you make your comments and you have your fun, and you really want to know why.

you want to know why?

i'm scared. that's all there is to it. i'm scared. my past has trained me to be scared of things like this. it feels like it will never happen, because i have this fear that keeps me from many things.

i've been pondering shaving my head again... this is something almost spiritual/mental/emotional for me now.

Currently Listening Moon Safari By Air see related

- All I Need

it's amazing how time and time again florida girls seem to prove my point: they are fickle... when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex at least. i am continuously attracted to floridian females, they seem interested, then nothing. i dunno, maybe they get bored with guys easily? but i have found a pattern with the floridian girls i have dated (most girls i have dated being floridian, the others just southern) and that is that not only do they not know what they want in a relationship (or give the vibe that they don't) but they don't know where they want to go in life, what they want to do. it's frustrating because i'm stuck in this state for at least another year (or whenever i get the chance to move out west), which means i have to put up with it for that much longer...

...i'm almost in the mindset that i should just become a monk again.

and please, really, if it's me, people, let me know. if i'm the one who's messed up instead of having everything sussed out, be a friend and be honest with me. trust me, i value honesty and constructive criticism like you wouldn't believe.

well....... we. are. back.

matt goldman (produced copeland, anberlin, underoath, etc., etc., etc.) made the band sound exactly how we wanted... only a hundred times better than we expected. i don't even know if that makes any sense, but i do know that after pulling in 12-hr days, we're spent. luckily i'm back in lakeland now, because i need a shit, a shave, and a shower.

so, please, don't hesitate to hear us on myspace (cliche, yes, but everyone uses it).

and, of course, give me a listen, too....... if you wanna.

so, in a couple of hours, we're off to atlanta to record (not MY music, but The West Fifties'). i totally excited about it, because it's giving me an opportunity to do something i haven't done before... record with a major producer! it's also scary, because i have no idea what lies ahead for us as a band... we just have to keep on doing what we love... only harder.

as far as my own music goes, i'm hoping to have the cd ready (pressed & packaged) by mid december... God willing. and that means i have 2 more songs to record and mix and then the final mastering on everything, then sending it all away to have some people make me look professional... God willing.

as far as my life goes... i believe a song called "lonely soldier" (featuring damien rice) hits the nail on the head, "...lonely, but never alone..." also, it's a hard time in my life, a transitioning period that's been dragging on for months now. and though i have the drive and motivation, i feel a lack of direction: a sense that i'm confidently heading nowhere. could this be as a result of my stay in lakeland even after graduation?? i think so... maybe... yet not entirely. do i need a new job?? quite possibly. do i want to find the right girl and settle down?? definitely. would i like to hear from God once in a while?? more than anything.

Currently Listening Clarity By Jimmy Eat World see related

- For Me This Is Heaven

you know what i really let get to me? the opposite sex. i don't understand if it's just girls from florida or just girls in general. i have a tendency to be attracted to girls who send mixed signals. i try to understand what they want, but it just doesn't happen. my family keeps making comments that i "get tired of a girl and move on," when, in actuality, its the other way around. it feels like i'm always being played... and it hurts. what makes it even stranger is that i always tend to attract "bad" girls (well, not necessarily "bad," but girls with a different agenda)... and trust me, i don't like it.

...on the same note, i think i'm going to sue the makers of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," for doing a documentary about me without my consent... those bastards.